The All New FIFA World Cup 2010 Awards

Tonight is the night then. The night which will bring the curtains down over a month long football fiesta. However, there have been curious activities underfoot during the tournament. Apparently, FIFA president Sep Blatter is all set to do away with the traditional boring World Cup awards like Golden Boot, Golden Ball etc., replacing them with new Oscar style awards. Here is a sneak preview.

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE


Abdul Kader Keita for behaving like he was shot in the face after a loving pat to the chest from Kaka.

BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE


Manuel Neuer for his super cool disposition and calm mind despite seeing THAT ball clearly over the line.

BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE


Larissa Riquelme. No competition. Got thousands of people praying for a Paraguay World Cup win with her promise to streak.

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE


The Dutch women evicted from the stadium for ambush marketing. What were they promoting? Who cares!

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE


















Diego Armando Maradona. Enough said. The World Cup was definitely poorer after he left.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM


Wayne Rooney. "Nice to see your own fans booing you. That's what loyal support is, for fuck's sake!" 2 matches later. End of Shrek 4.

BEST COSTUME


Fernando Llorente. "Tight shirt is the secret of my success." Come on now, Fernando. You got that shirt during your under-17 days for sure. You can't fool us!

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM


Korea DPR. Nobody knew them or understood them. But they gave us the most highly entertaining match of the group stage. Courtesy a 0-7 defeat to Portugal. Their punishment? Banished to work in the coal mines. Actually.

BEST WRITING : ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY


Paul the Psychic. Of course he is writing the entire damn script. How else do you think he gets ALL of them right?

For the rest of the awards, do watch the ceremony tonight. It's time for Africa!